


forget.

by tevinterr



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Memory Alteration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-14
Updated: 2015-01-14
Packaged: 2018-03-07 14:37:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3176229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tevinterr/pseuds/tevinterr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>solas had spent countless nights hoping, praying to whatever spiritual entities would listen that they would not cross paths before this was all over. he owed her that much. he didn’t deserve to see her again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	forget.

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: Solas makes everyone within the Inquisition forget him, and runs into Lavellan months/years later. She doesn't know who he is. — sent by femharel

he spotted her from afar out of the corner of his eye, something sharp and icy making its way to the pit of his stomach that seemed much colder than the snow laying soft and powdery at his feet. his breath caught in his throat and he moved quickly to the nearest tree, an old pine with rough bark he could feel through the outer layer of his robes. 

solas had spent countless nights hoping, praying to whatever spiritual entities would listen that they would not cross paths before this was all over. he owed her that much. he didn’t deserve to see her again. 

yet, here she was, kneeling before him not ten strides away over a small, green plant sticking out of the snow. he watched as she withdrew a small knife and sliced the leaves off the sprout in one swift motion. a small, familiar smirk tugged at the corners of his lips. it had been weeks (months?) since he last saw this display. it was always important, there was always a detour for more herbs. he remembered how irritated he was at the frequency of her pauses, at times during the most inconvenient of situations. she simply cared too much about her cause, about the inquisition, about her companions, about him. 

she was as beautiful as she was when he left her on the balcony outside of her quarters after corypheus’s defeat. he had snuck in during the celebration at skyhold, watched her standing at the edge of the balcony staring wistfully into the setting sun, waiting for him. 

_ “vhenan?” he whispered, withdrawing from the shadows of her room. he watched her shoulders stiffen, the tightened feeling in her chest matching his own. _

_ when she turned to meet his gaze, her eyes were glassy, filled with something like hope. or maybe it was despair? whatever it was, it was the look of someone who had lost and could not let go, who could not or refused to fight hard enough to break free of whatever bound them to the hurt that had been inflicted upon them. _

_ he swept towards her and placed a hand on her cheek. her eyes fluttered closed and she leaned into his touch. _

_ “I thought you’d left,” she whispered as if she could not believe he was there with her again. _

_ “not yet.” _

_ she pulled away, not completely but enough to look up at him, bottom lip trembling as she spoke. “but you are leaving.” _

_ he leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers, felt her shudder as he took both her hands in his. _

_ “there is nothing about what we had that I regret, lethallin,” he said slowly. “but I do wish you had never had the misfortune of knowing me.” _

_ he heard her breath hitch in her lungs and before she could plead for him to stay, he whispered in a strained, almost desperate voice, a bandage ripped off a wound that would never heal for him, but maybe, just maybe for her… _

_ “forget.” _

solas needed to get out of there. the memory was suffocating him, and he could not stand there and watch her any longer. he had been selfish enough during the time he spent with her, and he could not bring himself to spend any more of his time haunting her. 

or so he told himself. he knew deep within his core that if she insisted, he’d take her in his arms again in an instant, no second thoughts. if she insisted, he would. he couldn’t, but he would. 

he must have made too much noise moving away from his spot beneath the pine because, suddenly, she looked up at him, halfway finished tucking the small herb she’d picked into a leather pouch around her belt. solas felt himself freeze in place, not due to any spell or other magic, but because of her eyes, dark and golden, piercing his own. he’d lingered for seconds too long and now she’d noticed him there, staring. 

she carefully rose to her feet and sheathed her knife before dusting her hands off on her pants. her dark hair, wet from the snow, clung to the sides of her pale cheeks and she reached up to tuck the locks behind her ears, pointed but small for one of the _elvhen_. he briefly remembered a tale she’d once told him about being teased by the other children in her clan for having small ears, and how she crinkled her nose and smiled when he told her he thought they were perfect. if it was only as easy to erase his own memories as it was to erase hers... 

he watched as she scanned him with narrowed eyes and tilted her head, bewildered. 

“I know you,” she said finally, taking a step towards him. 

“I assure you, _da’len_ ,” solas insisted sharply, intent on ending this meeting as quickly as possible. “you do not.” 

she continued toward him, albeit slowly, still studying him. his brow furrowed and his pulse echoed in his ears. he was not so careless that he’d mess up a simple memory spell. still, he could not figure out why she seemed so sure of herself. unless… 

his heart skipped a beat and his expression softened. 

“I swear I’ve seen you in dreams,” she replied. 

no. 

solas watched the small smile forming at the corner of her lips as her cheeks flushed light pink at the pure, cliche nature of her statement. she’d caught up to him by then, hands tucked behind her back as she looked up at him, examining his face with childlike curiosity. 

“look, I know you’ve never met me, and I know it sounds silly—“ 

“it’s not silly at all,” he said, interrupting her thought, wracking his brain for an explanation to satisfy her long enough for him to make an exit. “there does exist a phenomenon that causes the mind to briefly glimpse a portion of a person’s future, usually for only a split second, easily forgotten. usually, a person only remembers when the events of their dream occur in their waking lives.” 

“it’s not deja vu,” she insisted fervently, shaking her head. solas’s heart sank. “sometimes, my dreams of you are as vivid as memories. sometimes, they’re just whispers, and, sometimes, they’re just feelings.” 

“what feelings?” solas asks, unable to stop himself. he watches as she chews her lip in thought, searching for the right words. 

“longing,” she says after a while, her brow furrowed. “sometimes anger, other times anguish. I’ve also had dreams that were pure bliss…” 

a knot had formed in solas’s chest and was tightening with her every word. he knew the existence of these dreams had to be impossible, as he was sure he’d erased every memory she had of him. though, if she still dreamt of the fade… was it possible his own dreams, the dreams he had of her, had caused him to subconsciously reach out to her again while they slept? 

he cursed himself for not considering it sooner. 

all he’d wanted was to free her, to let her live without the scars he’d inflicted, for himself to suffer alone because he deserved it, not her and instead, all he’d done was prove the strength of their bond. maybe if he erased his own memories… but the thought of forgetting her hurt more than remembering. even then, he couldn’t believe how selfish he was, how he could be such a martyr. the word sounded filthy in his head. 

he despised himself. 

“I’m sorry, _da’len_ ,” he said softly, reaching forward to place a hand on her cheek, flushed and rosy from the cold. “one day, when this is all over, I will make the dreams stop.” 

“what—“ 

“inquisitor!” a sharp voice drew her attention away from him. as she turned her head to look behind her, solas quickly tapped his mage staff to the ground and vanished — a simple cloaking spell, he hoped it was enough for the moment. 

“I’m fine, dorian,” she replied, nodding to him as he trudged his way through the snow towards her, followed closely by a pale, blonde boy solas immediately recognized as cole. once she realized solas had disappeared, the corners of her lips curved downwards into a frown. “he’s gone.” 

“who’s gone?” dorian asked, eyes squinted as he craned his neck to look into the distance behind her. 

“never mind.” 

“well, come on then,” dorian insisted, rubbing his hands together and shivering. “freezing to death was not on my list of things to do today.” 

solas watched, unmoving, as the three of them turned to leave. she paused and took one more look back, squinting her eyes as she scanned the area for him then sighing in disappointment when there was no sign. 

“so much turmoil.” cole stopped walking and solas held his breath as the boy’s eyes focused directly on the spot where he stood. “so much remorse.” 

dorian sighed. “cole, we’ve already been over this—“ 

“not you,” cole continued. “someone else. his chest is hollow, there’s an emptiness at the pit of his stomach, a hunger that can’t be sated, he wonders if it would have been better if he hadn’t done it, if only so he wouldn’t be alone in his suffering, he wants to forget so badly it aches in his chest, but hers is the voice that’s swallowing his soul.” 

“who, cole?” lavellan asked. 

the boy shook his head. “I don’t know." 

solas stood there long after the trio had gone, and long after his vanishing spell had worn off. the sun had begun to set when he set out on his way back through the snowy forest. for hours, cole’s words rung in his head, haunting him. 

hers is the voice that’s swallowing his soul.

try as hard as he might, he couldn’t shake the feeling. he wondered, no, he knew: 

his was the voice that swallowed hers as well. 


End file.
